DisainaM
Senior Member
Themenstarter
Es mag für viele eine der Besonderheiten von Thailand seien, das man sich in Thailand eine Nebenfrau halten kann.
Kürzlich wurde zu dem Thema eine wissentschaftliche Studie veröffentlicht, die ich aber sehr kritisch sehe, da man mit 20 befragten Männern, die sich eine Mia Noi halten, noch nicht zu repräsentativen Ergebnissen kommen kann.
Daher, und aufgrund mancher Wertungen, glaube ich, das diese Studie eher an Farangs gerichtet ist, um die Botschaft zu senden :
- die Gesellschaft akzeptiert es nicht, das man sich eine Mia Noi hält
Auch werden IMO die Gründe, die zu dem Mia Noi System führten, nicht erwähnt.
Es war das System, wo Eltern ihre Kinder verheirateten, und so zwei Menschen in eine Ehe kamen, wo sich keiner liebte, und deshalb jeder für sich alleine zusehen mußte, eine Beziehung zu finden, aus der er Zuwendung schöpfen kann.
Deshalb ist ein Mann, der eine Mia Noi sucht, auch kein Fall für einen Psychater, wie es in dieser Studie unterschwellig mitklingt.
Daher scheint mir diese Studie, die von dem Psychologen Sobha
Spielmann (einem Farang ?)von der Mahidol University, eher ein Tribut an bestimmte NGOs zu sein, als das sie sich ernsthaft mit dem Problem der arangierten Heiraten auseinandersetzen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Shattered lives
The Nation
Published on Nov 7, 2001
One psychiatrist´s male patients are giving mea culpa about taking
mistresses and hurting their wives. But due to personality disorders,
she says men find it hard giving up their ´mia noi´.
One morning, while psychiatrist Nongpha-nga Limsuwan was about to
begin her routine diagnosis work in the out-patient ward at
Ramathibodi Hospital, a woman in her 40s, weeping, screaming and
sobbing, was being admitted.
Like many other patients brought in with symptoms of what
psychiatrists call a mental breakdown, the woman had just a few hours
ago discovered that her beloved husband had been cheating on her.
After examining the woman´s condition, Nongpha-nga advised her to
undergo treatment at the hospital for a few days. That evening, her
husband arrived at the room where she was lying, downheartedly, in
bed. He pleaded guilty and insisted that he stay by her side until she
could go home.
Sunlight entering the room the next morning revealed even greater
tragedy. It was too late for him to beg for any forgiveness, she was
gone forever, having hanged herself after her husband had fallen
asleep. Crying louder and louder, hugging her lifeless body tightly,
it was his turn to grieve.
The incident is the most dramatic of Dr Nongpha-nga´s patient stories.
But overwhelming grief is a common emotion the women feel. Seven years
ago, such trauma inspired Dr Nongpha-nga to begin a study - Why Men
Have a Kept Woman and Why Women Become a Minor Wife. Since then
Nongpha-nga has interviewed 20 men and their mia noi (minor wives, or
mistresses), who have come to her for counselling. They still suffer
from their affairs, which society finds unacceptable. In addition to
in-depth interviews, all men and mistresses have also undergone
psychological counselling.
"It´s very hard to gain their consent for interviewing and collect
information from those people; everyone would rather keep their
secrets to themselves," says the doctor, who has practised psychiatry
for nearly 20 years.
The men, who are mostly Thais, aged from 31 to 50 at the time
interviewed, have various educational backgrounds and careers, and are
generally of moderate incomes, making between Bt10,000 and Bt50,000 a
month. The 20 men included 19 Buddhists and one Muslim.
Only 10 per cent of the mistresses said that their father had a
mistress or that their mother was a mistress, somewhat muddling the
view that mia nois tend to come from backgrounds in which mia nois are
a fact of life.
In her study, Dr Nongpha-nga analysed the traits of these men who have
taken mistresses, and has advice for Thai women sizing up a potential
groom: be wary of a man who is overly meticulous or constantly
organising, who prefers not to make a decision on his own, or who
seems to have an unstable mind or is unusually emotionally sensitive.
Most of the 20 men cited in the study exhibit most or all of these
traits.
She says the presence of these traits more than marital problems helps
explain infidelity, as 70 per cent of the men insisted they never had
problems in their marriage or family life. More than half said that
they married for love. Desire for "casual intimacy" is credited as the
factor inspiring 37 per cent of the men to have had affairs. Fifteen
per cent of them said they hoped to find true love with a mia noi,
while another 15 per cent cited a mix of other expectations as their
reason for taking mistresses. Only a very few of the men cited
unsatisfying sexual relations with their wife as the main reason for
having an affair. "The reasons of having extramarital affairs are
multiple," Nongpha-nga concludes.
The traits compelling the men to act seem even more influential, she
says, when considering that every man in the sample considers having a
mistress as a sin that would bring great anguish to his wife. "The
wives of these men suffered greatly. Many have become severely
depressed, which in some cases has led to suicide," she says.
As with the men, Nongpha-nga concludes that personality problems are
also main factors influencing young women to become a mia noi, chief
among them being a psychological weakness, and feeling of being
dependent on a man. "Only 25 per cent of the sample cited financial
support as their reason," she notes.
Other factors involved with the beginnings of the affair are rape and
deception: 20 per cent of the mistresses were raped by the man; 10
percent said they originally entered the relationship because they
thought the man was single.
Nongpha-nga found 85 per cent of mia nois exhibit major personality
problems, and that all of them have low self-esteem and are passive in
nature. And once the lifestyle starts, it may be hard to stop:
Nongpha-nga says 70 per cent of the mistresses were teenagers or first
became a mistress as a teenager.
This study is consistent with a study of senior psychologist Sobha
Spielmann at Mahidol University, which indicates that many teenage
Thai women have mia noi potential.
The psychologist conducted in-depth interviews with about 100 young
female pub-goers at some well-known Sukhumvit nightclubs. "I was
stunned by their thinking. The majority wanted to be a mistress and
said that their ideal man was middle-aged or older, and married," says
Sobha, who is president of the Sobha Tharn Namjai Foundation for
Development of Thai Society.
Most of the 100 women had a father who had a mia noi, and a mother who
suffered from her husband´s behaviour.
"That traumatic experience has an impact on their attitude toward
marriage; they opt to be a mistress instead of a wife whose husband
will cheat on her," she explains. "Married men in a midlife crisis are
looking for sweeter love, sex, and care. These victimised girls are
well-suited to give them what they want."
She says these married men, often in their 40s, feel lonely as their
wives ignore them, contributing to their feelings of inadequacy. "The
man in this stage of life develops psychological conditions similar to
those when he was a teenager; friends have much influence on him. And
many peers in the same position may convince him to acquire a
mistress, just as they have," she remarks. "Because he is like a
teenager, the wife should take care of him like a young boy. Be
balanced between flexibility and control. If he is going to a party,
wisely lie that you have one too in a nearby area, then offer to him a
lift and pick him up after the party, for example."
Humans naturally yearn for both a sense of belonging and a taste for
freedom, and properly balancing the two is a challenge, especially for
those with mental problems. "We want to marry and live with someone,
whereas, we still want some space between us and our mate," Sobha
says. "A man can develop a sense of wanting to control a woman. But
that may be replaced with a need for freedom. On the other hand, a
woman may really need freedom from her boyfriend, but whenever she is
with him, she feels that she is in the place she belongs."
She says the attitude of some wives is, "No one will never ever
understand a woman whose husband has a minor wife, unless she is one
of us".
"Yes, that true, but don´t forget that the psychiatrist does know as
well," says Sobha. "Kick your embarrassed feeling away because you did
nothing wrong, feel free and go out seeking counselling from experts.
They are available for you."
---
Source: http://www.nationmultimedia.com
Kürzlich wurde zu dem Thema eine wissentschaftliche Studie veröffentlicht, die ich aber sehr kritisch sehe, da man mit 20 befragten Männern, die sich eine Mia Noi halten, noch nicht zu repräsentativen Ergebnissen kommen kann.
Daher, und aufgrund mancher Wertungen, glaube ich, das diese Studie eher an Farangs gerichtet ist, um die Botschaft zu senden :
- die Gesellschaft akzeptiert es nicht, das man sich eine Mia Noi hält
Auch werden IMO die Gründe, die zu dem Mia Noi System führten, nicht erwähnt.
Es war das System, wo Eltern ihre Kinder verheirateten, und so zwei Menschen in eine Ehe kamen, wo sich keiner liebte, und deshalb jeder für sich alleine zusehen mußte, eine Beziehung zu finden, aus der er Zuwendung schöpfen kann.
Deshalb ist ein Mann, der eine Mia Noi sucht, auch kein Fall für einen Psychater, wie es in dieser Studie unterschwellig mitklingt.
Daher scheint mir diese Studie, die von dem Psychologen Sobha
Spielmann (einem Farang ?)von der Mahidol University, eher ein Tribut an bestimmte NGOs zu sein, als das sie sich ernsthaft mit dem Problem der arangierten Heiraten auseinandersetzen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Shattered lives
The Nation
Published on Nov 7, 2001
One psychiatrist´s male patients are giving mea culpa about taking
mistresses and hurting their wives. But due to personality disorders,
she says men find it hard giving up their ´mia noi´.
One morning, while psychiatrist Nongpha-nga Limsuwan was about to
begin her routine diagnosis work in the out-patient ward at
Ramathibodi Hospital, a woman in her 40s, weeping, screaming and
sobbing, was being admitted.
Like many other patients brought in with symptoms of what
psychiatrists call a mental breakdown, the woman had just a few hours
ago discovered that her beloved husband had been cheating on her.
After examining the woman´s condition, Nongpha-nga advised her to
undergo treatment at the hospital for a few days. That evening, her
husband arrived at the room where she was lying, downheartedly, in
bed. He pleaded guilty and insisted that he stay by her side until she
could go home.
Sunlight entering the room the next morning revealed even greater
tragedy. It was too late for him to beg for any forgiveness, she was
gone forever, having hanged herself after her husband had fallen
asleep. Crying louder and louder, hugging her lifeless body tightly,
it was his turn to grieve.
The incident is the most dramatic of Dr Nongpha-nga´s patient stories.
But overwhelming grief is a common emotion the women feel. Seven years
ago, such trauma inspired Dr Nongpha-nga to begin a study - Why Men
Have a Kept Woman and Why Women Become a Minor Wife. Since then
Nongpha-nga has interviewed 20 men and their mia noi (minor wives, or
mistresses), who have come to her for counselling. They still suffer
from their affairs, which society finds unacceptable. In addition to
in-depth interviews, all men and mistresses have also undergone
psychological counselling.
"It´s very hard to gain their consent for interviewing and collect
information from those people; everyone would rather keep their
secrets to themselves," says the doctor, who has practised psychiatry
for nearly 20 years.
The men, who are mostly Thais, aged from 31 to 50 at the time
interviewed, have various educational backgrounds and careers, and are
generally of moderate incomes, making between Bt10,000 and Bt50,000 a
month. The 20 men included 19 Buddhists and one Muslim.
Only 10 per cent of the mistresses said that their father had a
mistress or that their mother was a mistress, somewhat muddling the
view that mia nois tend to come from backgrounds in which mia nois are
a fact of life.
In her study, Dr Nongpha-nga analysed the traits of these men who have
taken mistresses, and has advice for Thai women sizing up a potential
groom: be wary of a man who is overly meticulous or constantly
organising, who prefers not to make a decision on his own, or who
seems to have an unstable mind or is unusually emotionally sensitive.
Most of the 20 men cited in the study exhibit most or all of these
traits.
She says the presence of these traits more than marital problems helps
explain infidelity, as 70 per cent of the men insisted they never had
problems in their marriage or family life. More than half said that
they married for love. Desire for "casual intimacy" is credited as the
factor inspiring 37 per cent of the men to have had affairs. Fifteen
per cent of them said they hoped to find true love with a mia noi,
while another 15 per cent cited a mix of other expectations as their
reason for taking mistresses. Only a very few of the men cited
unsatisfying sexual relations with their wife as the main reason for
having an affair. "The reasons of having extramarital affairs are
multiple," Nongpha-nga concludes.
The traits compelling the men to act seem even more influential, she
says, when considering that every man in the sample considers having a
mistress as a sin that would bring great anguish to his wife. "The
wives of these men suffered greatly. Many have become severely
depressed, which in some cases has led to suicide," she says.
As with the men, Nongpha-nga concludes that personality problems are
also main factors influencing young women to become a mia noi, chief
among them being a psychological weakness, and feeling of being
dependent on a man. "Only 25 per cent of the sample cited financial
support as their reason," she notes.
Other factors involved with the beginnings of the affair are rape and
deception: 20 per cent of the mistresses were raped by the man; 10
percent said they originally entered the relationship because they
thought the man was single.
Nongpha-nga found 85 per cent of mia nois exhibit major personality
problems, and that all of them have low self-esteem and are passive in
nature. And once the lifestyle starts, it may be hard to stop:
Nongpha-nga says 70 per cent of the mistresses were teenagers or first
became a mistress as a teenager.
This study is consistent with a study of senior psychologist Sobha
Spielmann at Mahidol University, which indicates that many teenage
Thai women have mia noi potential.
The psychologist conducted in-depth interviews with about 100 young
female pub-goers at some well-known Sukhumvit nightclubs. "I was
stunned by their thinking. The majority wanted to be a mistress and
said that their ideal man was middle-aged or older, and married," says
Sobha, who is president of the Sobha Tharn Namjai Foundation for
Development of Thai Society.
Most of the 100 women had a father who had a mia noi, and a mother who
suffered from her husband´s behaviour.
"That traumatic experience has an impact on their attitude toward
marriage; they opt to be a mistress instead of a wife whose husband
will cheat on her," she explains. "Married men in a midlife crisis are
looking for sweeter love, sex, and care. These victimised girls are
well-suited to give them what they want."
She says these married men, often in their 40s, feel lonely as their
wives ignore them, contributing to their feelings of inadequacy. "The
man in this stage of life develops psychological conditions similar to
those when he was a teenager; friends have much influence on him. And
many peers in the same position may convince him to acquire a
mistress, just as they have," she remarks. "Because he is like a
teenager, the wife should take care of him like a young boy. Be
balanced between flexibility and control. If he is going to a party,
wisely lie that you have one too in a nearby area, then offer to him a
lift and pick him up after the party, for example."
Humans naturally yearn for both a sense of belonging and a taste for
freedom, and properly balancing the two is a challenge, especially for
those with mental problems. "We want to marry and live with someone,
whereas, we still want some space between us and our mate," Sobha
says. "A man can develop a sense of wanting to control a woman. But
that may be replaced with a need for freedom. On the other hand, a
woman may really need freedom from her boyfriend, but whenever she is
with him, she feels that she is in the place she belongs."
She says the attitude of some wives is, "No one will never ever
understand a woman whose husband has a minor wife, unless she is one
of us".
"Yes, that true, but don´t forget that the psychiatrist does know as
well," says Sobha. "Kick your embarrassed feeling away because you did
nothing wrong, feel free and go out seeking counselling from experts.
They are available for you."
---
Source: http://www.nationmultimedia.com
